I haven't been up for blogging much. I'm too busy putting out fires, avoiding train wrecks, dodging idiots.
When I'm not doing that I try having a life or decorating my house......but mostly entertaining the kids. That part I love. I live for their smiles. I'm very lucky that I have 3 really GREAT kids. Easy to say b/c they are mine but I've been around enough brats to know, my kids are awesome. They respect people. They are kind. If they aren't, they get to deal with my "i'll deal with you when we get home look". Discipline works. I know, shocking.
I'm exhausted from all of the noise in my life. I've barely had a moment of peace to enjoy the new place and do what I want to do. I don't have time to shave or brush my hair.
That being said. I'm really happy with life. Each kid is at a fun age. Brookelyn is slowly out growing 'little girl' and Ashlee is the cutest little princess ever. Anderson is so smart and funny! He calls his sisters 'Asha' and 'BayBay'- it is the cutest thing ever when hes calling for them.
Ok, true story, while writing this blog, I called the AC repair people referred through our home warranty people. Keep in mind I'm in a great deal of physical pain, going on nearly a week now, women you know what I'm talking about here and those who know me, know I've been diagnosed with a female pain disorder having to do w/ fibroids where they do not belong :( . sorry for the side TMI note. I'm in pain and having to deal with a broken AC in the upstairs system. I was told by Shenaquuia it would be early morning today. I finally at 1pm decide to call the dispatch and he said 'i'm not sure why you were told early morning b/c the home warranty company doesn't set our appts' and I SAY, "Well, she was hard to follow and understand. She sounded like she was straight out of Harlem,and her ebonics was so thick and she sounded like she was on drugs"
Who says things like this to strangers? I do. When I've had enough. I have no filter. That being said, all of the above was true. There are two languages I do not speak and that is DOUBLE NEGATIVE PURE WHITE TRASH AND EBONICS. It isn't "He don't like that" Grammar up people.
I do however speak Britney and Valley.
I really like this new neighborhood. At first I felt like it was too good for me. Like my grandmas should be living here w/ the rest of the senior citizens but now I'm like yes biotches I live here and I have a lawn guy, a pool guy and a beautiful new car my husb bought me. I'm sick of apologizing for his success, for my success. As if the first 14 years of my life wasn't enough pure, rotten hell, as in, I did my time, let me bask now. Also Michael and I do not care about having a lot of anything or going anywhere fancy or vacations. We wanted a spacious home with a pool in a nice community- without mortgage payment going up. We got it. It doesn't bother me that the place needs a bunch of clean up outside or the inside could use a lot of updating. Its a great home with so much space. So don't mind if I do, lounge in pjs all day, or bathing suit.
I do still have a job. I even have a couple of shifts on the calendar. I'm so glad that in the midst of the biggest change ever, that the stress didn't cost me my job. I went in recently and it really lifted my spirits to be around my colleagues. It doesn't take many hours to put a handful of $ in my bank account which I call the 'do i need yoga pants/shorts from victoria secret?' account on the days i get paid. actually for the summer, trying to stay away from that evil store (and gap) b/c entertaining the kids can get costly plus its almost time to start school clothes shopping and supplies. I wonder if the girls will let me send them in matching outfits from the gap for the first day of school. It will be Ashlees first day of Kindergarten and we've already talked about me doing her hair in french braid pigtails. I can see her now in like a cute skirt and mary janes with knee highs. Yep these are the things I think about- when not busy thinking of a cure for mental illnesses and politics. LMAO.
I know a lot of people going through a lot of change and crap right now. All I can say is nothing is forever. When I lived in hell and wanted to die-- when I felt I had already lived 30 or 40 years by the age of 14-- I remember thinking 'God just take me in my sleep, ease my little sister's pain and give her a good life- or get me the F out of this situation fast before I go lay down on the train tracks one block over'
Because that prayer was answered before I had a chance to drop of high school or do something worse, which I don't think I would have done b/c leaving Kristyn was too painful of a thought, but had I have not had her, suicide was a very viable option. When you live with a raging drug addict who has enough mental illness to fill Dallas Stadium- the pain becomes too unbearable- so while suicide sounds insane- it really isn't when your bones become too weak to walk or function and you cry all day and all night, you don't eat, you don't laugh, your mom throws entire vacuums at your head but you know its really the drugs doing the launching.....
But the prayer was answered which is why I love Arlington so much. The city that literally saved me!
my aunt and uncle to be exact. It was a hard transition but every day, every year the healing took place and they pushed me to do and be my best.
The light comes when you put one foot in front of the other. Healing happens. Of course then my mom died when I was 19, when I thought everything was looking up. She saw me graduate high school. She sat next to my dad and I got a glimpse of the life we almost had. It was both painful and beautiful to see that. I had spent 3 years at a great high school in Arlington, I was the first sophomore that had ever been allowed on the high school paper- a little favor b/c uncle was a vp in the district, yah, so what, it got me going. I won an award that year for best column in which I wrote about my mentally ill mother. Healing happens. One year before that I was clenching fists under covers, roaches all over the bed- wishing someone would die, my mom maybe, her boyfriends for sure, me maybe if just for a moment to escape the terror of my existence. Then there I am making new friends, getting recognized for my writing at a banquet. Even when you don't believe in the healing process, it takes place when you surrender, and leaves you no choice but to believe in the process. Its all kind of awesome. So you, can get through anything, have some faith.
And this is why I take nothing in my life too seriously. What the baby smears crap all over his bed, again, sigh, guess I'm gettin my hands dirty. What, the husb does nothing handy for me around here, the girls are fighting, hitting, the baby colored all over daddy's bedside table. Oh boo hoo. Alert me when you find Anderson with a crack pipe in his crib.
