So much to cover. I'm going to lose fans if I don't blog more. (giggle) First of all. The only reason I'm blogging on a Tues. morning instead of going in to my job for a few hours is b/c I've lost my voice. I sound very sick but I don't feel that bad at all. I'm congested and my throat is a little raw but overall I'm ok. I'm frustrated and annoyed. I can't make calls, I can't run errands. I mean I have no voice. It kind of crackles in and out, but I'm still inaudible, the crackling only makes me sound like a CB radio, even more annoying.
I attached a bunch of photos. Hope my Granny enjoys them. The one of me, all blurry and emo will land me on her prayer list. "Dear lord, please guide Candice to a pair of sunglasses that fits"
The pic of the 3 kids is my fav. I took them to Sea Life in Grapevine on Friday afternoon. I wasn't sure if I'd do it. I had spent the day cleaning, but it had been a while since we did something out of ordinary and fun. I picked Brookelyn up from school and headed to Grapevine Mills. As we pulled up to the mall (yes the aquarium is in a mall), Miss B said, "it would be cool if we we were going to that place" and pointed to Sea Life. I casually said, "we are!". The girls both squealed, "WE ARE?!" and I said 'yep, it is a good way to start our weekend huh!" I had hoped it wouldn't be busy and it wasn't. We got to take our time, let them all explore. Its very toddler friendly too. Watching Anderson try to keep up with his sisters and try to climb on stuff was so sweet. Gradually he is more a little boy and less a baby :(-- but I have to say, its fun to see the 3 of them play together like that. Of course Brookelyn taking baby's hand, lifting him up to see stuff. Then, theres a play area at the end and they all 3 enjoyed that too. I bought our photo they took of the 4 of us at the beginning. yah, a total tourist, 20 min away from home. haha. I had asked Michael if he wanted to meet us but I knew he was exhausted. Years ago it might bother me when he says no, but now I just ask and if he can he will and if he can't, I deal. By Friday he is usually beat. I've never seen someone so dedicated to their work, almost to a fault. Most of the time I am okay with it. I know that his hard work is to thank for all that we have, even my ability to on a whim take the kids to aquarium, buy em dinner, souvenirs, etc.. We are all so blessed.
Yes I said souvenirs- 20 min from home, we don't want to forget our vacation. LOL. Actually I am just a sucker. Brookelyn got a book about oceans. Ash got a key chain stuffed seahorse. I told them it had to be something we saw. We didn't see spongebob so get away from the stuffed Patricks. We didn't see penguins (not sure why they sell stuff that isn't in the place?!!?". We did see seahorses and they were actually pretty amazing.
I was tellin my sis Kristyn yesterday that "as you can see these kids have the ability to drive me crazy, but I still prefer to be with them as much as possible. I don't like sending them away. I don't like to leave them for work (and I barely ever work)." I don't crave date nights or girls nights out. I'm just weird I guess, but its my normal, they are my kids and I make no apologies for loving them to a fault. I don't smother them. The girls are very independent and have a lot of freedom at home. I don't overly micro-manage them. I just enjoy being a mom and their presence brings me a peace I can't fully explain to others and do not fully understand myself. No one brings me the same peace, quite in that capacity. Michael does in certain aspects, like when I've been pregnant or ill, him being next to me can calm me. My sis always has too, b/c I know that even though we are soooooo different, she loves and accepts me, unconditionally.
Oh before I forget, some Ashlee-isms.......
She asked me how I lost my sound. "Did you lose your sound because you are sick, or because you just lost your sound?" LOL, I love the way her brain works- I told her probably a little bit of both.
Then when I was trying to get on to her this morning without my sound, she said, "I didn't even hear anything you said!!" and stormed off.
She called our friend and neighbor fat. Good LORD!!! Luckily Pam knows how to respond. I love pam for loving Ashlee and all my kids.
Ashlee told me last night looks like I still had a baby in my belly. In my defense I was super bloated from downing a ton of water (trying to drink a bunch w/ this cold) plus the cold meds make me thirsty. I'm not making excuses, I'm fully aware I'm flawed. I told Ashlee "No I don't!! You are going to lose friends if you don't stop telling people what you think!"
She constantly asks me, "Why does that baby have to be so cute!!"
She has taken care of our kitty Jasmine who got spayed and declawed last wed. She has spent up to an hour in the bathroom. She has gone to great lengths to make Jasmine's accommodations comfy. "Momma I need more blankets! Momma I need a cup for water!" If Jasmine starts meowing, we all ignore her but Ashlee can't take it, she goes in there and talks to her. She loves animals. She certainly can be sweeter to animals than us at times. Stinker.
Brookelyn is doing great too. Shes so good to me. She rarely pitches a fit, and when she does, I just wanna scream "Ashlee throws enough fits for both of you, not you too!!!". I don't because, at the end of the day, she needs to be able to have a few fits or else she will resent me. However, on those days, with a cranky baby and 2 sassy mouthed girls, I just want to put them to bed in the middle of the day and go up to my room and watch tv. I don't though. I wait til 7pm at least. I make Michael talk to them, even though he probably hates being bombarded w/ complaints from me the second he walks in. Luckily, most days aren't that rough. I worry about the summer b/c even though I love our lazy summers- I know they get bored. I don't really care though, and they know it. Go read. Go clean your room. Go watch icarly. Go out back. Go draw. Go play a game.
I can do this all day.
One thing I don't ever want to be is a busy taxi drivin mom. I'm as busy as I want to be and I know it will only get busier as they get older, but I just don't see the quality of life in that much driving to that many activities. We like to be in our pjs, eatin cookies, watchin American Idol, under a blanket.
As you can see, I posted a pic of Whitney. The album cover of the record I had. My mom had given me a record player and the following records- that Whitney one, MJ- thriller, Madonna like a virgin, and Cindy Lauper. I have been a fan of Whitney's all this time. I got that record when I was 6, maybe 7. When my parents divorced when I was 10, I'd listen to "Where do broken hearts go" over and over. I'd cry.
Her death is hitting close to home b/c she died so similar to my own mom. I think people misunderstand that drugs only have to be a bit involved to be involved, and its the rx drugs. Its not an OD. Its just enough, mixed with even the smalled amount of alcohol can be lethal. Whitney passed out and drowned in bath. My mom in her sleep, drowning basically on own vomit. My mom was brought back, kind of, but it was too late. Whitney couldn't be, it was too late. I'm not saying it was exactly the same. I know everyone is waiting to hear about the toxicology report for Whitney- but I am guessing it won't be anything substantial, nothing to make anyone go "OMG!!"
I think the body can only handle so much. My mother wasn't abusing anything 'hard', she had been clean for a couple years. Whitney was supposedly clean from the hard stuff too. Doesn't matter. The body gets tired.
I keep thinking how shocked Bobbi Kristina must be b/c her mom was basically fine. I know that shock.
I hope her daughter makes it out of this. There are only 2 paths to choose from. And when you are that close to a mother and you feel like you've lost the person that you can tell anything to, that you love so much, worry so much about, it is hard to imagine living a life without them. If I could talk to her, I wouldn't tell her about her mom being at peace and no longer in pain. I would just tell her, I know, it sucks and the pain is unbearable- but ultimately you lay down and die to, or you get up and put one foot in front of the other until it becomes natural again. In time, you realize you are healing, and that there is plenty of life to live and the pain then dims out a bit. During the acceptance phase which can take years, you realize you want to make that person proud although they aren't here to see and cheer you on. It is all so tragic. I watched Whitneys funeral. Then I watched the replaying of the Oprah interview from a year or so ago. I had watched it back then but I watched every second again. I teared up when she talked about her daughter. I had been cheering her on, her recovery, her comeback. It seems very wrong that she is gone.
In March Michael and I are going to our fav restaurant Benihannas, that his parents gave us a giftcard to. His parents are going to watch all 3 kids, overnight. My sweet cousin got us a hotel. So compliments of our fams we will have an overdue date night. They are far and few between and like I said I don't overly crave them. I told Kristyn I'm excited but only b/c I know we need it. I'm never excited to be away from the kids but I know I'm at a good place to do so. Anderson goes to mommys day out and hes just older now, so loosening up my grip on him is becoming easier. He is so sweet and has brought so many people, not just me, not just the girls and daddy, but so many people so much joy. I wish yall could see him and Layla play. He pets her, hugs her, loves on her so much. He also steals toys out of her hand, but hes 1. lol. one day she will learn to steal back. She is so laid back and docile, sooo sweet, easy goin, always smiling, giggling.
It has been a long, boring blog. I don't need a voice to clean my house so not sure why I think I need to be lazy on the couch b/c I don't have a voice. I am on a bunch of cold meds which kinda makes me feel icky. Maybe I shouldn't beat myself up for lounging on the couch while all 3 are at school. I won't last long here, my kitchen and the laundry are callin me to get busy.
Oh one more funny thing. No one is going to think this is as funny as I do. But I asked Michael to put something in recycle bin and he said sure and then asked when we got 2 bins. I said UM NEVER!! He had stolen our neighbors. I started laughing so hard. He can crack me up still after all these years by doing or saying very little. I told him to take it back to Lance's (our neighbor) yard. He said he would later. I said NOOOOOO NOW!! I was still laughing so hard and I said, "I'm calling Lance now so hes not worried!!" Michael told me he didn't have shoes on- and the grass was wet, so he chunked the bin as close to Lances house as he could get. Meanwhile, Lance answers and I say 'hey its candice your neighbor and Michael stole your recycle bin' He said he figured thats what happened, that one of us took out bin and one of us brought in. That is exactly what happened. I told him 'not sure where the bin is b/c its dark and Michael just chunked it in the direction of your house' ROFL.
It doesn't take much to entertain me. I was so worried that our neighbor was frantically worried about his bin. He told me he knew it would show back up eventually.
Going to try and not wait so long for next blog. March is going to be insanely busy. We have mine and Michael's bdays (not really a big deal, but to our kids it is lol), 2 cheer comps, spring break and bday party for nephew Logan. Something every week or weekend I believe. :)))
