It is Saturday. I have grown to love weekends again. This morning we went to Easter in the park down by B's school. They had a petting zoo, a little train and bounce houses. It was packed! I was just happy to get out of the house. The girls didn't know where we were going, we just threw them in the car. B was excited to see Riley and another friend from her class. I had asked Andrea to meet us there. After that we went to Chillis for lunch. Meals out are sort of iffy. I get what I call 'false full'. I eat a few chips and then have a hard time eating my meal. When we got home I rested for a bit and then got a bit of energy and cleaned house.
I'm so sad to report that Kristyn miscarried last weekend. I am carrying around so much sorrow I can barely stand it. I would have traded places with her to keep her from experiencing such a horrific thing. I think it isn't fair I have two healthy girls and am once again pregnant. She is just trying to have one. I feel greedy and guilty. I got pregnant on a whim of sixty days without my pill and all along have been watching her struggle. IT SUCKS. All I can say is, 'look at me, six pregnancies, and this one being at age 32, so there is hope!' Still, I have no idea what it is like to miscarry at ten weeks. Mine were all very early so I feel I was spared some grief. Then I had to explain to the girls, mainly B, about what was going on with Kristyn. I didn't want to make it more sad than it already was so I kept down playing it (to her) and saying things like, 'well it wasn't a baby yet' and she'd ask 'what does it look like' and I'd say, 'it isn't alive but it probably looks like a tiny frog'. All along thinking I'm an awful person for saying these things about human life, or the potential for one. I just wanted to spare Brookelyn the pain of the idea of death. She is six and there will be times I can't comb over it. Then last night she overheard Kristyn and I talking in the car and she heard Kristyn refer to the baby she had six years ago. When K wasn't around, B asked me what did she mean. I know we didn't think B was listening to us. Sigh...kids. So then I had to explain she had a baby who died before she was born. B asked me if it looked like a frog and I said no, it looked like a baby. Poor girl, she is a little love. I don't blame her for being curious and Kristyn should probably show her the scrapbook. B asked where the baby is and I told her Kyle is in Heaven. She said, "i know, but where IS Heaven". Seriously kid? All I could think of is "Heaven is everywhere!".
I know, lame, but I was doing my best.
So please keep Kristyn in your thoughts as she and Kelly continue to try for a baby. I know it will happen, I just hope and pray it is soon!!! Patience is the most rediculous thing we have to learn in life.
We had a really nice Spring break and I honestly loved every moment with the girls. We stayed pretty busy which caught up with me this week. I have been DRAGGING. There were days I didn't shower til noon and days I didn't clean the kitchen and days I couldn't cook dinner. I try not to complain. I have a friend in Houston going through chemo and losing her hair and she has the most uplifting attitude! Then there is Kristyn and even she is being positive and smiling through her pain. The very least I could do is not complain (too much) because lets face it, September is coming. I'm trying to enjoy being lazy though I've never been a big fan of excessive tv watching. I'm the mom on the go! Well, I was. I usually love the chaos that a busy and loud house bring. It is home for me. But, these days it is quiet and less chaotic. I suppose I should bask in it.
I've gotten bigger which I'm not fond of. I haven't gained wt but whatev I still look blah. Oops I was complaining again.
On Apr 15 we hope to find out the sex. I think Michael is taking off work. :)
Things I have gotten good at-
Giving the cat bobo douches (don't ask, they are long haired)- it isn't really a douche, just me giving their bums a quick bath. It is nasty but I'm fast.
Throwing up in my mouth or hand and getting virtually none on my clothes.
Yelling at my kids in the grocery without raising my voice. I AM SCARY AND THEY ARE SCARED!
Answering questions with, "I don't know, you are just going to have to ask your daddy" (no use delaying the inevitable and my kids finding out LATER that I'm a dumba$%)
Responding to my rain man 3 year old without even knowing it anymore. I'm just that awesome.
