It is Spring Break! I love having a break from our routine. I LOVE having B around all day! The cute blond in the pic next to my girls is my niece Cheyleigh (jessica's little one). Isn't she precious? Kristyn and I took the girls to the Japanese Gardens. We wanted to do something but nothing that required too much of us. Kristyn is actually a really great prego, a little tired but overall, her normal self. I'm like a snail.
So heres to a fun Spring Break!!
Saturday Michael and i went w/ my whole fam to see Dave Ramsey Live! It was super hilarious and very inspiring. I honestly loved every second and we both came home with renewed outlooks.
I have a little news. I found a large, sweet family in Dallas to adopt Clue. Although I feel I was doing my part, I don't believe it was enough. I do not think animals deserve to be crated all the time or left outside all the time. I was taking her for walks and to park, but overall, seeing her sweet face look so sad in the crate, was breaking my heart. Shes gotten so strong and who knew I'd be 14 weeks pregnant, trying to master a large dog! I cried a lot. I almost didn't go through with it but I rely on Michael to be my guide on these decisions. He has made all the decisions with Clue and you better believe I put this on him too. I'm just too emotionally fragile to be coherent. He kept assuring me if we didn't like the family or got a bad vibe we wouldn't do it. However, we met them and they are total dog lovers! They wanted that beast to jump on them! I'm like 'clue get down, this shirt was $20!' Just today Clue's new mom sent me pictures and an update. I'll be emailing her all the neat pictures I have taken of Clue, including the ones w/ her sibling in the beginning. This has been an interesting, but emotional journey. I think this situation was so unique. Who knew that this sweet puppy dumped in Granbury would be in a new family in Dallas, two parents, six kids and another dog, all of which Clue is getting along great with. B got a little teary about the news but took it like a champ. It hurt me to see her tear up. It is always going to hurt me when she goes through painful things in life. I wish I was a perfect mom. I wish I was never EVER the cause of her pain. I don't think I can promise that though. I can be the mother I always wanted. My girls get THAT, and THAT is A LOT! Mommy is never going to start drinking midday and be angry by 5. And, luckily Mommy isn't mentally ill. I'm present and I'm crazy about my kids, but I know I can't protect them all the time from life's little events. Even if I am little nutso, they have a well balanced dad that speaks softly and always has sweet things to say to serve as a buffer. So, the Clue thing, a little painful, and I'm not interested in the peanut gallery's comments. I don't need to feel more rotten. And, what's awesome is that the people who really rally around me, just say all things positive! I love that! I'm thankful for that. I think you get back what you give out. I honestly try to be as supportive as possible to all my people, even if I don't always get them. I think it is what makes life so great, so many personalities and so many things going on, it is up to us to respond with love and kindness. The world does not need more negativity. I have not ever really been a negative person, well maybe around age 14, when my world was so upside down and bizarre, and bad......but really since my life began in Arlington, I turned in to someone who truly believed in things unseen, miracles, and little by little I believe in unconditional love. This has been my biggest obstacle b/c you expect certain people to be certainties. Ya know? The only reason I know Michael loves me unconditionally is because I look disgusting and he doesn't turn away. Ha! Oh, the list goes on but it has been a long journey to understanding the concept. If you, as a friend or relative have shown me this, I have soaked it in and really done my absolute best to let it manifest inside me. This is where my faith has struggled. But, there's hope.
Someone I know and I don't want to be too specific announced they are atheist and at first I thought it was a passing thing they were just saying. I now know it is a big deal and for real. Although I respect people's belief systems, I struggle with this one. I think atheists account for 3% of population which would be why the rest of us have a hard time accepting this or understanding it. So instead of trying to learn or understand more about their decision, I just decided to examine my faith a little closer. I think I'm full of faith. I think it is not by accident that on a daily I'm filled with joy. There IS a God, I will never stop believing that. I have never stopped. I am quite sure "Jesus take the wheel" is all the time happening in my life. Hello, a 3rd baby? That is just the tip. So, I'm going to try and be a better person so that my joy can grow and maybe spread to others. I'm not saying it will work, but at this point in my life, faith is all I have! I think if you rely on people for your joy, 100%, you will be disappointed. I struggle with this, so I know.
I've never been pregnant and been so at peace, so I'm excited to meet this baby that has brought me such calmness! Maybe he or she was sent to balance off Ashlee. I mean it is a theory worth examining! Speaking of the love bug, she has been really working on that praise worthy behavior! She loves to say 'yes mam' b/c she knows what a reaction she will get from me. She thrives on it! She really is a huge sweetie pie and super hilarious. Miss B is my sensitive one. She feels everything and I kind of hope she write poetry one day. I have been loving watching her interact with Cheyleigh, who will soon be 3. She just mothers her cousin and does it with every inch of her heart. Brookelyn, I feel, is an old soul.
Thanks for tuning in for another 'i brag about my kids' blog or 'my life is so great' blog. Some day I will have to post some OLD journal entries to show you that once upon a time I was totally EMO. After reading them, you'd want to run in to traffic for sure. The thing is, every time I think about digging out an old journal and maybe posting something from 1992, I get sad, really, REALLY sad. I do want people to see it b/c it shows how much the human spirit can recover.......but I have to get past my sadness for that person, b/c I'm pretty sure she is never going to leave me, it's just now, I get the pleasure of forgetting her.
