another pic from B's camera. she had me take this pic of her and her buddy.
i really don't have anything to say. time is sort of at a stand still for me. when i feel decent i sort of relish in it. i know the yucky part is coming back and it does, which means couch plus meds. i'm sleeping an insane amount of hours at night, like 12 most nights. most mornings i do not wake up already nauseas. I'M SO THANKFUL FOR THAT!! i will feel fleeting sickness throughout the day and some days i have little to none. other days it is so strong and by evening it is just hard to function. all i can do is take phenegran and retreat upstairs. the girls are off of their evening routine b/c of me. :( many nights they just fall asleep with me and then michael moves them to pallet on our floor when he comes to bed. i don't mind their company though. right now, they are all i got! yes i have michael but not really. right now he is working like a mad man on a work project. I think the first phase is close to a finish, but there will be other phases I believe. It is an apple phone application he is creating. I can't even imagine being that smart. lol.
i had to have someone cover my shift b/c he is working. it is fine b/c i am feeling so blah tonight.
there is a part of me that wonders how i am suppose to mother three children. another part tells me we will, I will be just fine. Being a mom is something I pride myself on. I never wake up wondering why I was put on earth. I know why. But...sometimes in those moments when the world feels upside down and the girls are fighting and Michael is working late and i'm too sick to cook, i start to feel inadaquate to do this again. Why does my approaching bday, age 32 feel so old? Tell me I'm not too old to do it again. I'm sure it is just the barf in the back of my throat talkin...but still a girl wonders...........
gave myself my 1st two enimas in granbury I'll have you know. I was disappointed with the first one but the 2nd one the next day helped. I'm still having issues and now I'm announcing it for all of Candyland to know. I figure if I have to be miserable, you have to read about it. All i'm asking is that the next time you are stuck in traffic or your dr's office is running 2 hours behind or your spouse is naggin you.......just remember there are people (me) eating hard candy by the pounds to keep from gagging on my own saliva.........and I can't go number 2, hardly ever...now you KNOW that cannot be a good thing.....I take meds around the clock to keep from barfing but sometimes it is futile....I haven't been able to tan or get my eyebrows waxed....my clothes fit funny...I AM SO GROSS...and most days I don't wear my face bronzer which means i look like powder, you know the guy from the movie POWDER! I get winded when I clean the kitchen. I have a mountain of laundry to be done. Michael can't keep up with the cat box demands. My house looks like those people on Hoarders! My muscles are already settling in to atrophy. I'm serious. I only get these pains in my hips when I've been super inactive. It has been a life long issue and the doctors have always been baffled. I should be excited about me and michaels bdays and spring break and i'm sure i'll get there but good god....is it asking too much to be hit over the head with a shovel?
