One week since I've blogged. The days are blurring in to weeks and before I know it, it will be time to pack up the Christmas decor.
Well, at least I didn't go nuts, so there isn't that much to put away. I don't know why but with a house filled with laundry, kid's stuff, etc.. I just didn't want to add to the chaos with 'too' much. It just ends up being more work for ME. I seem to have just enough on my plate and any more would be stupid crazy. I say that, but I still have a lot of control over my schedule. I'm slave to some of it, but not all of it. So, that's nice.
This week though, yikes, super busy, but good, fun, holiday busy. The girls have early dismissal Thurs(Ashlee) and Fri(Brookelyn).
Keep up, I'm full of exciting news.
On Monday I had to take the boy pup to the humane society of Ft.W. I knew this was coming. Things were going along fine and the two started fighting, blood shed and all. No, not looking for excuses. No, he didn't chew up a purse. No, he wasn't barking too loud. No, he didn't stop being cute. None of that. However, after the extreme fighting matches began, I was at work and Michael handled things so well....but he was the one who said, the pups can't live like this. Michael researched 'raising two puppies at the same time' and it is not good. Stupid really.
So, we got through that moment and went on to the next. Clue got a brand new crate. She is the girl pup we kept. She has been perfect. She loves not getting raped by her brother in the head and arse. She is a cuddler and I have fallen in love! I actually told Ashlee to go play somewhere else b/c Clue and I were watching Oprah and she was bothering Clue. Hands down, I have never seen a puppy this sweet and docile.
If anyone has an opinion about me rescuing two pups wandering in the country and having to surrender one to the humane society after getting him 1st round of shots, getting weight on him, crate training him...well then I will let you know when I'm accepting them. You know what they say about opinions...they're like a-holes and everyone has one. My mother taught me that classy line!
Other random things-
I'm sick of having an SUV and a lease and would like out...but may not be in the cards...and if it's not...then ok...Gods will speak...maybe we can finance it when the lease is up??? There are many things I love about the Pilot, including the 3rd row seating which we seem to get a lot of use out of between family and friends, carpooling, etc.. and the few times we have traveled, we have been very comfortable. Just beginning to think...if I'm done with having children, a girl would like a car again....Yes, Accord only. What? Can't I be a snob about ONE thing in my life?
I'm seeing my personal parts doctor this week. I want to ask about the Seasonique pill, where you only have 4 periods a year. I don't want to do anything drastic just yet, i.e tubes tied. I will hang on to my youth and my options just a little longer. I do know, now would not be the time to add to our family IF we were going to do it. Ashlee demands A LOT from me. Many things I wonder how I am still upright. And now Brookelyn with the sass talk. So, guess what? Cute babies grow up to be people with opinions and mouths. Those are the two things I do not look for in a person. Ha, jk.
I sent a Christmas card to biological father. Weird right? I didn't write a note. I almost didn't put a return address, haha! I kind of just thought he would like to see what I look like, as well as my two little spawns.
I think when I hear about the screwed up things in his life, I get upset. Not at him, but at the people who tried to push the idea of him on me throughout my childhood. My feelings about this issue haven't changed. I had/have a dad so the absence of some screw ball who helped make me effects me in no way. Sure, it is odd at times, but not any more odd than how a typical adopted child feels towards their biological parents. There are no emotions. I've tried to force out an emotion and I just cannot. I can't believe how he was portrayed by my mother's family as some loving father...yet...the only loving father I've had is my dad...and now my dad and my uncle...
It's just odd really. My dad isn't an alcoholic, escaping poverty, getting caught in white trash love triangles. It is all so messed up w/ my biological father. He doesn't seem to have any quality of life. Someday he will be clinging to life in a state run hospital with no one by his side. Perhaps my sister Jenny...but not me...and not my children. However, mark my words, I would work two jobs if it meant keeping my dad well and provided for. I'm not saying he is a perfect human being. What I do know...is that I could tell him anything about myself...and he wouldn't judge me. I happen to believe that unconditional love is a rare commodity. With all of my dad's imperfections, he has continued to be loving to me, Kristyn, and my girls. He makes it in for many birthdays, many 'firsts', cheer competitions, sends cards to the girls, sends build a bears! Hello! He went to build a bear last year and stuffed two bears, dressed each of them unique to Ashlee and B's personalities and mailed them for Christmas. It isn't about the gifts. It was the fact he went through the trouble at all. He doesn't have a wife or gf to 'make' him do these things. He just does them and dare I say he is a better grandad than he was a dad. I don't mean that in an ugly way, just that, sometimes life presents it's best gifts later. I'm fine with that.
But, for those who tried to show me pictures and talk 'up' my biological father or tell 'funny' stories....I thought this then and I continue to think it- shame on them-- for making a young Candice feel so incredibly uncomfortable and try to force an emotion on to me that is still not coming. The most loving thing he did for me, was let me go. I'm almost 32 and feel confident that the life I was given was the correct one. 30 years ago he and my mom divorced. He left Texas and hasn't been back. There are no accidents. I'm here, my mom is dead, my dad is CA. My parents are really my aunt and uncle (dad's side). My biological father lives somewhere in a shack in Marion, Ohio. I avoid Ohio for this reason.
I'm excited to report my sister Jenny plans on visiting ME this spring. She has accepted me and my Ohio anxiety and is going to visit us! We have a fun and unusual story. Anyway, she is his other biological daughter. She lives in the same town (not in a shack though) and has little relationship w/ him.
It will be good times if she gets to Texas!
Peace out ponies!
