"To truly become a better you, it is imperative to believe that god is in control of your life. Too many people go around worried and upset. They are always trying to figure everything out. Why won't my dreams come to pass? How will I get out of this problem?.....God is working behind the scenes in our lives...The fact is we all have difficulties; we all have things in our life that can steal our joy, steal our peace" Joel Osteen, Becoming a Better You.
I like to stay surrounded by uplifting books because I am simply not willing to give away my joy. I feel like I'm inside a chapter of my own, and around me are a zillion other chapters, other people's people living lives, facing hardship, and hitting the grind trying to figure it all out.
I have found that pulling in closer to M and the girls, they hand me back my peace, not like a God, just like the great people they are. They remind me that all that I need I already have.
Let me rewind.
There are some sub chapters here.
Last Friday, M gets pulled over on way to work for crossing a solid white line. I am still unclear and not certain a law was broken but he did NOT get a ticket. So, even the cop must have agreed it was a bs reason to pull someone over. THEN, cop discovers M's license is exp. Boo. Still NO ticket. Phew. Off the hook.
Later that day, leaving work, M gets hit by a lady making the same left turn as him. Clearly it was her fault, unless he had a bottle of vodka before getting behind the wheel, there is no way he caused this accident. The lady admitted her guilt on the scene. We figured no big deal and went on to enjoy our weekend. The Camry's right blinker is GONE and that whole area is pretty banged up. Come Monday morning, I got on the case, called her insur. company, Allstate. We didn't know the year and make of her car. I decided to call the lady as she had given Michael her business card. She answered and I asked her if Allstate had been in touch. She said no, that she had filed a claim w/ OUR company Liberty Mutual. I was stunned, speechless really. When I asked her about some of the things she said at the scene, she got pissy, disrespectful, and said "we'll let the investigators decide" and hung up on me. I was later told by an even bigger witch at Allstate not to contact her. Really? Because I'm so scary and tough? I am the one who got off the phone when she hung up on me in tears, calling Michael, then calling Liberty Mutual. THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING.
Today I called Allstate b$%%$^h and was told that when I call, I take time away from her that could be spent investigating. Wow. There is barely a dent on her insurer's car but I'm w/o my suv - driving around a car that needs $1200 worth of work done now, not yesterday. I'm driving w/ no signal light and was told a small portion of radiator was damaged. So, excuse me if I want to check on the process of things and help expedite.
Long story short. If I want the car fixed NOW, I pay my deductible (yes we have full coverage praise the LORD) but who has $500 laying around and we wait while both insurance companies hash things out.
Susan Nelson, I don't know how you are sleeping at night. You came in to my husband's lane when he was barely 10 feet in to his left turn.
Amy Estrada, I pray that neither of my girls grow up to do your job, to be paid to take the insurer's side and be nasty to the ones truly effected.
Liberty Mutual, I will continue to pay your high rates because you've been by my side for 8 years. You've always let me ramble and plus YOU get paid to be nice to ME.
As for Estrada and Allstate, every time I see those gay Allstate commercials, I can't help but barf a little in my mouth.
When I think about what is important and I think about all of the chatter going on, right now, I am dumbfounded. How much have I contributed to the problem? How come when my opinion is different from someone's I am belittled? How come there is so much gossip and so little joy? How come I am not allowed love Obama? I voted for Bush, I liked him well enough and respected his position. How come when I did that I was expected but now the same folks are bashing Obama and would probably pay the Dixie Chicks to say something nasty. How come after watching today's Oprah, I wanted to move to Denmark? How come everything, everywhere looks so corrupt? How come I have spent hours wasted on Facebook instead a good book? Why am I judged? Why have I judged? Insecurity? I don't think so, for me anyway....I'm happy being not the prettiest, drinking a dr pepper instead of Evian. I love the way I bake or organize clutter or mop or vacuum when I'm flustered, anxious or angry. I think it is kinda cute and beats buying a six pack and passing out half naked on my bed, where my girls have to find me, put my legs under the covers and then go pour some cereal for their dinner. I despise being ridiculed for not having understanding over someones else's existence when no one, and I do mean no one has ever gone out of their way to understand me. I'm amazed that people find the job I do interesting and wonderful of me. Well, basically I wouldn't be happy doing anything else. I feel enriched when I've helped someone, plus it is better than volunteering, I get paid. I love talking about mental illness and get uncomfortable when people talk like it isn't real or like people have much control over it. That would be nice. I wouldn't have a job, but still, it would be nice. If you believe in cancer, you must believe in mental illness. Cancer kills, some survive and some do not. Mental illness kills, some survive but some do not. It killed my mother. I never question a daughter's love for the pink ribbon when her mother died or survived breast cancer. I am on the same crusade. It isn't a job. It is how I reconcile my mom being gone and it is how I make peace with the 19 years I had with her. The chaos, the madness, the chaotic, mad LOVE.
I hate gossip so much I am plain not participating. I say that I don't do it much but the truth is I "vent". At the end of the day, not too many people are trusted with my words. Plus, I don't have THAT much to say about someone else, mainly my kids......I'm basically a typical, boring mom that brags about her kids b/c that is what keeps me joyful. I love being boring, being at home, and having family. All I really want out of life is for my girls to love this life, to understand that I took my pain and turned it in to this joyous life. I will tell them someday about Michael sticking by my side through the rough college beginning, a mother's death and so forth, how he eagerly, yes eagerly joined me on this journey. I will tell them I could have gone 400 other directions, but being their mom was me with my eye on the prize. If they know this and feel it, I am almost certain they won't be abused by a boy at age 14 or sneak out to go snort coke and have me pacing the halls waiting to beat them. I refuse to get those wrinkles, anxiety and stress.......
I have been very introspective the past several days, which is hard when you are dealing with two insurance companies, carting two kids around, school, extra activities, my pt job, caring for two Persians, two puppies, 3 meals a day for a fam of 4.....the silly list goes on.....but yes in the quiet moments in between the busy....I have reflected. I see a life created for me, me inside of it, no complaints, I'm just here, and no news is good news.
