And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, "Oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain." So God granted him what he requested.
I Chronicles 4:10 NKJV
No, I'm not drunk.
Ok, so here is the deal. I was thinking, and have been thinking, of the two precious lives I am in charge of (along w/ my own), and how possibly, I have some work to do. Do I really want them to reach their youth- which will happen way too soon- and arrive with "issues" and questions that I cannot answer. I have a duty to instill spirituality in them, and I have slacked. I have been feeling a little down about it and then was struck by lightening when B said something a little off hand. It wasn't bad, just odd. I know the topic of boys will continue to come up and I am just not as equipped as I want to be. I am so terrified of her getting in with the wrong crowds, being beautiful, and thus, being taken advantage of. It will be a train wreck I cannot avoid if I don't start something soon. This overwhelming responsibility first gave me anxiety this morning. I started doing what I always do with that type of tension, cleaning. Then I started thinking, brainstorming, and the only answer I could keep coming back to was probably the correct one.
I sat down to take a breather, and the book Prayer of Jabez told me to pick it up. No, not hearing voices, just an urge. It sits out at all times, and I wondered, "have I even really read this". So I read 23 pages. My anxiety went completely away, did not return. I kept thinking "can we really take the girls to church without me feeling anxious in large groups of people? Am I capable of that kind of change? Can I still love Madonna? Please. I do love her. haha"
I got in car, put in Britney, listened to 3 songs, took it out and the first cd in my small cd binder, was Rebecca St James "God". Again, the urge, 'put it in'. So I did, almost forgot how much I love every song but automatically put it on track 2."You're the Voice"
We have the chance to turn the pages over
We can write what we want to write
We gotta make ends meet before we get much older
We're all someone's daughter
We're all someone's son
How long can we look at each other
Down the barrel of a gun?
You're the voice, try and understand it
Make a noise and make it clear
We're not gonna sit in silence
We're not gonna live with fear
This time, you know we all can stand together
With the power to be powerful
Believing, we can make it better
We're all someone's daughter
We're all someone's son
How long can we look at each other
Down the barrel of a gun?
You're the voice, try and understand it
Make a noise and make it clear
We're not gonna sit in silence
We're not gonna live with fear
We're all someone's daughter
We're all someone's son
How long can we look at each other
Down the barrel of a gun?
You're the voice, try and understand it
Make a noise and make it clear
We're not gonna sit in silence
We're not gonna live with fear
***********************************
I got a shiver listening to it."Power to be powerful" Hmmm, that is odd. I'm just on my way to work, minding my own business.....but still with the mind and mission of a mother who wants to save her daughters before they need saved. I don't mean 'saved' like holy saved, put the hands of a loud preacher on their foreheads. I mean save them in the most literal sense. I mean protect them. I am their mother and they are my daughters and up until now it has been about me and my cute babies.....and now...it is me with two lives to mold. I'm scared, so very scared, and for the first time I realize I cannot do it without divine intervention. I can and have been selfish, cynical, and bizarre. I do not know how I will first start to change for them and ultimately for myself and Michael. I am a little teary thinking about it. I worry about my follow through. However, my intentions are large enough that I may be able to get this one right.
