this is me at work earlier today. no not going crazy, just wondering if i could do something creative and this is what i came up with.
I had this super close mirror w/ me at work and i was plucking hair and noticed my skin on my forehead is peeling! too much sun i guess! oh well, before we know it it will be Halloween and we'll all be white again.
Randomness:
I teared up listening to "i'll be there" by Michael J yesterday. Maybe I should feel what I want to feel but am afraid to feel it for fear of looking like a nerd. I am so saddened by his death. there I said it. I would have LOVED to see what great things he was about to do next. I always seem to have a cd of his in the car so i put it in today and listened to my favs and it just made me sad....
Lacked motivation after work today. M got a fever. I had one on Thurs. We can't catch a break. I teared up a little tonight not being w/ the girls for the 4th. But w/ all the drainage I'm having and not having a functioning Michael, I couldn't see me fighting the crowds in Ft W. They were better off today and someday Kristyn and Kelly will have a baby and won't have this kind of time for the girls, so I bask in it.
Had no appetite thanks to Zyrtec D, ate pizza, forced it down, was hungrier than I thought.
Am dreading end of August. I always get down and this year I already know it will be super bad w/ B starting all day kindergarten. Every single time I think about it, I am brought down. I am happy for her, sad for me. It will be good for her - and me- this I know, but sometimes I come across an old baby dress of hers and think "it was just yesterday" and someday she will be 16 and 26 and I'll see the same dress and think the same thing.
love my cats. they have been so loving, especially to M while hes been in bed so much these days. Griff will wait for outside the restroom door in the morning to get me to open the can food. Geppetto has this sweet, soft baby meow and it melts my heart. I never thought I could love furry babies this much, but I could have five more and love them all! haha! (but no thanks on the litter box work) One day I will have a baby persian but it will be when my children are MUCH older. I'm still changin diapers.
got yoga pants and tanks at old navy today, good price, but the heat didn't keep me shopping very long. i just wanted to pass out.
miss creative writing. crave it. although when i have time, it is almost like i am afraid to dive deep. on some level i know what i write will be good, but that it will be painful even if it is happy, diving that deep is just gut wrenching, staying on the surface just seems easier. duh.
overall, despite the weird summer (getting sick so much, M's back etcc), I am happy, and so thankful. In another life I may have had to work two jobs to put food in my kids mouths, to pay a bill, but in this life, I am mega blessed, and not the money issue, it helps but real satisfaction seems to come from all the other stuff, the cliff notes of life, all that stuff that happens when you are busy making plans, preparing for life. When I remember a life I once lived struggling under my mother's wings and wishing for a better existence for the both of us, I honestly didn't think life could be lived any differently. I thought people just worked and struggled and barely paid bills and that if you were born in to that life, you would too. I wonder what she'd think to see me here, not breaking my back scrubbing toilets, waiting tables - all of it honest work and work I would do if I had to.........Where do i begin w/ the thank yous for NOT having to do it though. divine intervention.
