Not Saying a Thing

Lyrics to Cookie Jar by Jack Johnson:
I would turn on the tv, but its so embarrassing
to see all the other people, i dont know what they mean
it was magic at first, when they spoke without sound
but now this world is gonna hurt, you better turn that thing down
turn it around

it wasnt me, says the boy with the gun
sure i pulled the trigger, but it needed to be done
because lifes been killing me ever since it begun
you cant blame me because im too young

you cant blame me, sure the killer was my son
but i didnt teach him to pull the trigger of the gun
its the killing on his tv screen
you cant blame me, its those images he seen

you cant blame me, says the media man
i wasnt the one who came up with the plan
i just point my camera at what the people want to see
its a two way mirror and you cant blame me

you cant blame me, says the singer of the song
or the maker of the movie which he based his life on
its only entertainment, as anyone can see
its smoke machines and makeup, you cant fool me

it was you, it was me, it was every man
weve all got the blood on our hands
we only receive what we demand
and if we want hell then hells what well have

i would turn on the tv, but its so embarrassing
to see all the other people, dont know what they mean
it was magic at first, but let everyone down
and now this world is gonna hurt, you better turn it around
turn it around

Seems kind of 8th grade of me to post lyrics huh? I find solace w/ my Jack Johnson music. I find 'cookie jar' metaphor, which I think is his intention. It is on my music list, down low, you can scroll to it, find it, play it, you will see why I love it.
So many sweet people responded either to my blog or by email yesterday. Amber mentioned me on her blog. Ya know, it started out foggy, emo, kinda fugly really. My clothes felt foreign on my body. I couldn't recognize my face, well, trying to see the passed the damage from the sun, fake sun, 31 years of living. I thought about a trip to the cemetery, and if you know me at all, that is where it stopped, a thought. First, it is in Crowley. I didn't have my kids. I had a dental appt. So I did day fillers. Errands, shops, tan (I know, shut up). I called my Grandma. I called Kristyn, but just to tell her I'm using her name at Beauty Brands. Makes me wonder if I'd be doing all that anyway, regardless if my mom is dead or alive. Maybe I'd be right here. Maybe I would have been buying her something there. Although, I think the fact I'm a SAHM would have been cool w/ her alive. I'd always have someone to visit. I am quite sure I would be the biggest enabler and she'd probably be draining me (as hard as that is to admit). Just sayin. People shouldn't be in that kind of emotional pain (hers). My life's goal and mission is to never suffer that profusely. I have to admit, I have noticed higher highs and lower lows in myself. Maybe that is called being alive, human, but, if I'm being honest, it does frighten me, a tiny bit. Sometimes I just want to pack it all up and be a pilgrim in the woods, but then, someone, probably Michael would have to make the long horseback ride in to the city to get me anti-anxiety meds. The dr. would be confused. "I thought yall moved to the woods to live like the Amish?" He'd hang his head low, embarrassed we are married, and say, "Ya, she can't handle that either, she misses her busy, stressful life"
Storytelling, I'm not that good at it, unless it really happened.
My life is not (that) stressful, not any more than the average 31 year old chick. It is busy, but there are busier moms. I make time for my HGTV and HLN and OPRAH. We get scared when we are too busy, us moms. We freak out w/o enough to do. I love that have the option to detour our day, change it up, mix it up.

How is it possible I type all this, and not say a thing?