The B*^#@ is Back

Round 130, here we go.
First, I hate irony. Everything it has to offer is under false pretenses. I am quite possibly the happiest I have ever been in my life, and yet, I have business to take care of in my external world. Those who know what this means, A+ to you, those who don't, you just have to imagine. My internal life is very balanced, very equal, very love and joy filled. I have to get over that the external world is going to judge, for whatever reason. Remember- I am the deepest person I know, that is a large title to carry! We've already established in earlier blogs that its arrogant so no need to point it out. Its just I am finding that most of the world is filled with people who are about as deep as the most shallow puddle they find themselves stepping in on a rainy day, cussing at the sky. Luckily, I try to surround myself with people who are like minded, who can love me no matter what. I am over making apologies if I do not do or act a way someone else deems best. Me comes first- my emotional, physical and spiritual health- therefore I can go forth in the world and be the best Mommy and wifey. I mean, lets face it, the cat may not get fed if I am not right. No more is the external world allowed to say I'm off my rocker or that I confuse them. Tough shhhh. Go bake a cake and watch t.v- just leave me the hell alone.

Now onto to the funny crap.
I ventured out of my bubble yesterday. We get gas at a yucko gas station, the kind you lock your doors and hope no one approaches your window. Then, I see a Long johns silver. I have this running joke, that I eat their food ONCE a year. Its true (and I know, not a very hilarious joke). So temptation takes over me, as I have been slimfasting and spinach leafing like a mad fatty trying to lose those extra people I carry around in just my thighs. So I say screw it. "brookie, you want some fish? hush puppies?"
"Whats a hush puppy?"
"Don't worry about it, you've had them before and you loved them, they are round like a ball ok"
"Ok"
So I kid you not it took 5 min for the boy to come on the crackled speaker to take my order. I'm thinking, dude, I don't know this area and if we get carjacked, how do I explain this to Michael. "Sorry hun, I NEEDED fried fish"
Finally- the boy- he tries his hardest with all those brain cells he has left from smoking pot to take my order. I confuse him by not ordering a # whatever. I order a la carte.
"Yes, I'd like two fish, 4 hush puppies, and a small order of lobster bites, and an A&W root beer" (keep in mind this was for me, B and A for our meal. I think their fries taste like sewage so I stay away from those.
The boy- "uh, can you repeat dat?"
Me- "sure!" and I do
The boy- "uh, can you just drive to the window"
Oh jesus, joseph and mary, how hard is it to get a dang root beer and some freakin fish??
So I get to the window. I repeat the order. I sit and I sit for what seemed like a half hour. Are they catching the fish is their pond right now? I don't have time for this. I want out of this hood. Any second I am subject to a hobo coming up to us asking for money. I might have A penny but screw that, go get a job loser.
That boy had me repeat my order AGAIN. So I did and then I say, "Are you sure I'm at long johns? Yall serve fish right?"
He laughs and apologizes. He also screwed up the order but I made him check it before he handed it to me. By this point, even the infant has a look on her face that was priceless, she just scowled out the window, like 'you better stop making my mothers head spin- thats MY job' Ahh precious ashlee.
Finally, I get the beloved fish and start handing out food as we head back to the highway and high tail it to our bubble. No more inner city driving for us! For that boys sake, I hope he gets his GED and learns to communicate less like a zoo animal.
Well by the time we are back in Sugar Land, I am feeling disgusted w/ myself. I imagined the fish finding a comfy spot in my thighs to make a new cellulite indention. I think 'oh god, what have I done, maybe I should dig out my tire pressure gage and stick it down my throat and puke at the next dumpster I see". I figured I poisoned my body and the devil needed out. I have a pure temple pumped full of pro-biotic pills and fish oil pills. My lower intestines were growing more confused, "What is this B doing to us!! The vitamins galore and now a vat of grease!!! what the freak are we going to do, lets just start shutting down her organs and see how she likes hyperventilating. No, I'm not making fun of organs shutting down, that is no joke, but I could hear my own organs cussing me out. I eat baby spinach leaves DAILY and then I go buck wild and eat long johns!!!????
Well, I didn't puke it up at the local gas station in town. I knew the one time I decide to do that, I'll run into a new friend and I'll be forced to lie and say I have the flu. And the tire gage? I don't know. I figured I was already here, outside, and I could check the pressure, with barf dripping from my chin.???
Ya, no.
I'll stay sane - if not for me, if not for the kids, but for the new suburban moms who have been kind enough to embrace me.
But that fish was really good. That's all for long johns til 2009. :(