Closet Human

So now what? The holiday season rushes to a halt. While I had the free time, I scurried about and put the decorations away. Most people who know me well, know that I love to decorate for a holiday but also love to see it go back in the boxes once it is over. It is like sweet closure. We had one of our best Christmas' ever. It wasn't because of the gifts, although they are a nice touch, huh?! I think the true joy came from watching my two girls be so happy. Michael's parents came and brought on the holiday cheer. I barely had to lift a finger, thus, I caught up on some sleep and got some time out. Its just what I needed. Someone to slap me on my wrist and send me to the time-out mat.
I can honestly say, not a stressful bone showed itself once.
So what does the new year bring you might ask? Well, for starters, more school for me. Ugh. Why am I doing this to myself? What am I trying to prove? That a baby from the trailer park can make it big? I sort of already did. I'm pretty much awesome without a Master's Degree. I seem to enjoy pain, so I'll truck along and go emo for another semester.
I do not make new years resolutions. That is for the radio personalities who have callers call in and say stupid things. If I say I'm going to lose weight this year, most likely I said it last year and five years ago, maybe I just love myself, in all my fabulous extra weight glory. I will keep doing what I'm doing, working out, taking care of myself and if I happen to shed weight, then I strike gold. I have lost about 10 lbs, only about 1000000000000 more to go. I think new years resolutions are for the weak. Whatever the goal is for Jan. 1, it could have been done in October, so nobody is getting fooled except for the person. I think new years resolutions set people up to self sabotage. People have good intentions I'm sure, but I do believe it was me who wrote that I wouldn't fight with my little sister in the 4th grade when asked to write down a new years resolution. When the teacher read the crap out loud in May near the end of the school year, we all sunk down low in our chairs. I was thinking, "Witch, put that folder away, burn it, I don't care what you do, eat it, none of us stuck to those goals". Yea, like I really didn't fight with my sister for five solid months. I'm pretty sure I argued with a broomstick every chance I got, so if sister was near, we were having cat fights. I'm pretty sure we still argue, so it won't be on this years fake list either. Wherever that 4th grade teacher is, I hope she got off that 30 lbs she was hoping to lose, or at least found a different career.
I could probably think of a ton of "goals". I use that term loosely. I am always in changing motion, Jan. 1 is just a day, not a chance for epiphanies. If anything, it does sort of feel like a shedding of old skin. Thats it. I get new skin. I give the little man at the roller coaster ride my ticket and get back on for another year of -- well -- whatever, you get it.
I think I'm just happy to be happy. I'm glad to not be weighed down by heavy, negative emotion. I find myself meditating more, saying 'i love you' more, handing out more hugs, and not being afraid to cry at movies and people see me doing it. Its like okay already, I cry when I see a mother hold her newborn child, hahhaHA, I'm human come to find out. (Act shocked). The joke has been on you, not me, I'm just out of the closet now.