How I miss bloggin. Ever notice how lazy I've gotten w/ my grammar, droppin the G off all ING words. Well, signs of a SAHM gone south.
A lot has been going on, not all of it good. Life in general I suppose. It IS good though, so good, that I have who I have, the people, the things, the life. I am in no ways a pampered princess. I work my body/soul to it's rim for the complete satisfaction of knowing I am a part of a greater good, Motherhood. I've got 18 years + to mold little lives in to big people who will contribute all things good to the earth.
But, enough w/ the granola talk.
My friend, a GOOD friend, lost her baby recently. He lived 3 days. I've been so sad about this. I've found myself balling in the shower, sobbing in the tanning bed, tearin up when I'm driving. I hear a song and I'm filled with pain and grief. I was honored she invited me to the small memorial. It was beautiful, like my friend. She is a strong, faith filled woman who I know will turn pain in to hope. Go figure, b/c it is times like this I do not believe in an actual 'hell'. I'm so sure. Don't you think we live here already, surrounded by such tragedies.
I've had some communication with my biological father and I have nothing against him. I think from what I know, he is a nice person. But- let's face it, it is bound to conjure up some type of emotion, unless I am a complete robot. I called my dad, and told him what makes me sad is that he wasn't there the day I was born, someone else I do not know was. Someone who gave me up. I want my dad to have that memory. I want my entire vz family to have that memory but that isn't the way things happened. Having a baby is the most wonderful thing ever, and the people responsible for bringing me here are not here. My mom is dead and my biological father is a stranger. I have no ill will for him. People choose paths for their lives and this was his. It lead me to a fine and wonderful path. Every action someone else took, got me that much closer to the greater goodness that I can call my life now.
The girls and I got lice again, a couple days later B got a vomiting bug, and now B has the flu. BLESS HER HEART! You know I had no choice but to send her out on the cheer floor at the big competition yesterday. I did not know she had the flu at that time. I thought, allergies with a fleeting fever (I really am an optimist)- but after a dr visit today, I was wrong. I just wanted to cry seeing her tears when the dr said 'Brookelyn you are going to be ok and well soon, ok girl'. She is a sensitive little one and I know her little spirit feels broken. She is sad she missed seeing family today which was celebrating March bdays in our fam. She didn't get to see grandparents, cousins, etc. I felt so bad leaving her home and taking the other 2. Michael stayed home with her and said he played a few games with her. She doesn't want to miss school tomorrow, something about getting to bring a cd to class and she said "and no lady gaga" Um, I would hope not. And good lord, stop telling people we listen to 'poker face' in the car. Hey a mom can only take so much hannah M and kidz bop.
I'm still catching up on crappy laundry from lice and illnesses. I had gotten all caught up and now look! Eruption!
Also, M doing some side programming trying to keep up his skillz, and he does it after work and on weekend. So, it leaves zero time for US. Gotta love his dedication to his craft but - sigh... I miss him. I know this is his way of providing for me, for us, but it can get very hard, very sad, missing the companionship, the adult conversation.
I've seem to push lots of people away for the reason I have no time to give. I see my Kristyn like once a month. :( I hope that changes when she has baby Layla.
My life is just busy, and I wouldn't want it any other way, but I am still adjusting to life w/ 3 children. Anderson is 6 mo. old and I know I look like a total rockstar, kickin ass, takin names but sometimes I feel weathered. My eyes don't want to sleep and my body can't sit still, yet I know I'm TIRED. I workout on any morning that I do not have dr appts or plans or school functions, you name it. The working out is huge release for me. Me plus music and lots of sweat. So therapeutic. I am thankful to have energy and a healthy mind and body, able to workout.
I absolutely love my neighbor Pam. She helps me with the kids whenever I need her, and is my dear friend now. No I mean it, I really love her. She is so funny and FUN to be around. It is how I know God is up there, he planted her right next to me. I love silver linings.
Michael is taking 3 days of Spring Break with us off. YAY, some good news right?! Don't be surprised if I hide all phones and computers and just take this time to sit and stare -- memorize the tiny hairs on his face, all over again. Well, we have some ideas to keep the kids busy and I can't wait.
Not sure if we are going to squeeze in a summer vacay. However, I have a couple ideas...maybe involving Houston friends......but maybe I should think it over, ask them first...before I go announcing my free plans involving them and their houses. haaaaaaaa. If you live in Houston and are reading this and you are my friend, clean up your guest room.
I just want Anderson to see, touch some sand this summer. I require so little out of my vacays, just rays of sun and I'm good.
OMG Michael put on Star Wars, I'm going to barf. I gotta get out of this room! He takes time to get off that computer and puts this crap on. I feel my soul dying. Yuck I hate this stupid movie. The force? An energy field that binds the galaxy together, oh shut up, I can't take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm sorry but movies should have ben stiller or jennifer aniston in it and be about witty romances. the end.
Oh and how could I forget the other good news. Katy and baby Sawyer are visiting March 22nd. I can't wait. Maybe I will get to slow down and regroup with some katy time. We've been friends since age 13 WOW. 20 years!
Things have gotta slow down. What in about 20 years????
