What a sweet birthday I have had today. I got to have a fab lunch with great girlfriends at El Rancho. (duh). I could drink the hot sauce. Their recipe has been untouched for all 32 years I've been eating it! I love traditions. I love that I used to eat there for so many family birthdays in my childhood and now I'm doing it with friends and my own fam.
Girls and I went to park after picking up Miss B. We stayed quite a while until they were good and worn out. It was beautiful outside.
New carpet is installed and the pics below do not do it justice. However, it is awesome! I love it! So worth it!! I feel great about us sitting on the ground again and even better about having a baby crawling on it! I can see him or her already, on the floor, playing.
Our chimneys are fixed and painted. They were able to match the paint PERFECTLY to the color of the house. Now we aren't the ugly house on the block! I know it has been the source of much frustration for M and me both. Yes, I am a little worried about the dinero involved in all of this, BUT, we have always been fine and this upkeep is a part of owning our home. We've put in very little in the six years we've owned the place. So, this is very gratifying.
I'm creeping out of my 2nd trimester. I guess you fully come out of it between 12-14 weeks and tomorrow I'm 12 weeks. My sweet sis Kristyn sent me a 12 week update to read from baby center. I used to read all about that stuff when I preg before but this time I've just fallen off the wagon. However, I'm glad she sent the article because it IS amazing. You just have to believe in all things miraculous when a life is forming! I'm feeling pretty good, yes good. I have a cold and bad allergies for a few days and that is zero fun. But, I can eat and I don't feel like barfing ALL of the time. I'm tired fast, and blah blah blah, other complaints about pregnancy. I think it is a great season in life to BE pregnant, yes I really said that. I have an established life. I have GREAT kids, a totally overly providing husband, a great support system, packed full of great fam and fun girlfriends! Everyone is in my corner! And, although money doesn't grow on trees and we've made sacrifices to keep me home w/ the girls (mainly b/c there is not a lot of dinero in my field) it all works out. I know Michael will continue to excel and I'm learning little by little to take the value out of money. What I mean is going back to basics. We used to live very frugally, like when B was a baby and we had first bought this house. Then we got a little more comfy......but now, back to basics, no more 2nd fun income which is hard to accept but in my heart I'm fine with it. I'm not happiest spending money. I'm happiest when I'm laughing and there are so many things that make me giggle that require NO money. Don't get me wrong, I can spend mad money on clothes, cds and even furniture, don't tempt me!!! I struggled to tell myself to not buy Ash a new bedframe and dresser. It was NOT expensive.....but of course it wasn't 'cheap' either. I have got to learn to be happy with what I got....but you know when it keeps eating at you and you almost do it....and then that little voice says 'you better no, this is NOT the time'. I had to listen to the voice. I think what was hard was knowing I could afford it and that it was affordable pieces (at an antique shop) but that I didn't 'need' it. It was an OUCH moment, but I survived and moved on.
I love March. We are so busy this month. We have a cheer thing this Sat. morning. I'm so proud of my six year old Tiny Star! I remember welling up with tears the first time I ever saw her dance and cheer through a routine. Now, we are in season two and I'm constantly swelled up with pride. We have lots of bday parties coming up, so many I am not sure we can make all of them! We have Spring Break. B has Art Day at school and I'm supposed to volunteer. She also has a field trip at the end of the month. I did not volunteer for that, maybe I should have. She loves Mommy being around during school stuff. I was volunteering on Wednesdays but when I pulled Ashlee out of Mommys Day Out I had to stop volunteering. Sigh, more sacrifices....
I want to touch on something that has profoundly affect me this week and of course broken my heart. Kelli's dear friend Julie (also the pastor's wife where Kelli attends church) lost a 5 year battle with cancer. She was young and has a 5 and 7 year old children. I met her a few times when she was in good health in the past couple of years at some of Kelli's parties. This is the 2nd friend of Kelli's to pass away, and it is painful to see her go through it, and knowing that so many are hurting. Julie's daughter is in Kindergarten, so yes, this hits close to home whether I knew her personally or not. I also always wonder if people's faith are shaken when someone so full of faith gets a terrible disease and despite all of the prayers is called to Heaven. I don't think that is the case with this wonderful woman's family and friends. From everything I've read, their faith is strengthened! They announced her passing with 'Julie met Jesus face to face today'. A terrible cynic might roll their eyes, but I know how it feels to lose a loved one and faith is all you can have- or you'll die from a broken heart. This is the only reason I do not turn my back on God. Could an atheist really tell Julie's sweet children that they would never see her again? It isn't true so no use really wondering.
I wish I could tell them Mommy is closer than she has ever been.
I was watching Dr Phil the other day (don't hate - I was bored) and this wierd feeling came over me and I swear I could feel my mother on the couch with me. I tried to ignore it and call myself crazy. But, it didn't go away, SHE didn't go away. So I started just looking in the space I believed she was in. I could feel her reactions to the tv- and it wasn't about anything important or relevant, not even worth mentioning, it was just noise as far as I was concerned. It was wierd and I'm not expecting anyone to believe me. I expect people to believe that I make this crap up to ease a still broken heart. But- I think it was beautiful and it was confirmation enough for me, that she is really with me. She sees her grandchildren when I think she is missing out on so much.
Maybe next blog I'll tell you the baby names we've picked out :) I think they are pretty concrete which is a relief to me!
