This is from B's b-day. Top row - Brookelyn, Victoria, Allison......Middle row- Riley.......Bottom Row- Kennedie, Sofia.Anyway, not a lot to report.......or maybe I'm too sleepy to do it. My nephew Logan was in the hospital for several days with a dangerous illness. He is now on home health care for about two weeks. Nurses are coming to assist Amy and Glenn, and everyone is trying to help in small ways. Amy has really been through a lot, but the good news is that Logan will be okay!
I have been busy finishing the final hours of training mixed in with my regular schedule. I love being out there again, on the phones. It really is gratifying work, and I get paid for it! It is making the time spent as a family more valuable. Tonight, after getting off at 3, we went to dinner and then to the mall. It doesn't sound like much, but we did just enough to wear everyone out. The girls had already done a lot w/ just Daddy. None of us really wanted to go to the mall but I was out of my proactive skin care toner. It has been a week and I've been using alcohol on my face which is AWFUL. I know better but I've been too busy to do anything about it.
My regular schedule will be about 24 hours a week, none of which I have to pay an outside source to watch the kids. They already attend MDO and then there is Daddy! So, the money I make is really just ours! Yay, who doesn't like more $$!
I keep meaning to tell my Granny (mom's mom) these couple of stories........ok, first the butterfly one.....I was outside about two weeks ago w/ the kids, it was hot outside, not pretty like it has been for a couple of days. They were playing and I was sitting on the porch watching. I had my glass of iced water and phone outside and probably was wishing someone would call! Then a butterfly flew close by. I know people who are outdoors more or live in the country must see them, but I seldom do. I usually am skeptical thinking it must be a moth until getting close enough to examine and determine. I won't call any flying bug a butterfly. I think butterflies are beautiful. After my mom passed, I mean RIGHT after, I was outside and a pretty butterfly flew near me and I instantly thought of my mom, there was no time to really think about it, it just happened- the butterfly and then the thinking of my mom. Since that tiny moment I have never looked at butterflies with simplicity. I ALWAYS think of my mom. I want to so desperately believe it is her reaching out to me, b/c, certainly she knows my thoughts go to her when I see one. So, back to the other day, the butterfly flew near me and I thought "hmm that was really close to me, why do I always think of HER, this is all fake, a fantasy I have and I can prove it, this butterfly is going to fly away, like it is doing right this second, and if it comes back in my yard, well then......."
Then, my thoughts paused b/c the dang butterfly flew right back in to my yard, as if to be a smart butt.
Thoughts- "oh my gosh, it really is her, I should catch it and put it in a mason jar, no that's psycho, like phoebe on Friends and the cat"
I know what you are thinking, what a dumb story, but its not over, and so far it just looks like coincidence.....
I watch the butterfly and she circles around Ashlee once and then over to Miss B and lingers around her. Miss B gets so excited about it. At this point, I'm like 'ok this doesn't happen, this butterfly is HANGING OUT with us'
Miss B says, "Look Mommy, at the beautiful butterfly, it is so beautiful!"
I say, "Yes, I know, she likes you"
And then I think, 'she loves you'
Then the butterfly comes up near me, almost close enough to touch.
I kid you not I saw the same butterfly (I like to think) 3 more times the following two days. One day it circled near my mailbox right when I was checking for mail. I was like "Hey Mom" and went inside.
Its been a while and B is stilling talking about the beautiful butterfly.
Now, the rose story, it isn't as long........
We woke up on B's birthday last week, it was sunrise, and we took her outside to test out her new princess bike. At the same time, B and I notice ONE rose growing out of the side of our mailbox area. Every once in a wild moon we get a bloom, but for two years we never saw a thing, didn't even know there was a rose bush there! I often forget b/c it doesn't do much. Well, there it was huge and fully blossomed. I instantly thought of my mom, b/c I couldn't help it. Well, what I really thought b/c I'm still a bit of a cynic was "Granny would say that's mom" -- I mean a fresh gorgeous rose on the morning of B's 5th birthday when we haven't seen a thing in forever from that plant! B loved it and everyday has checked on it, talks about it after school, etc...How did I end up with such a lover of creatures and plants! I love it and in the process I get to grow, my spirit being gets to grow. I get to see things unseen. I get to view a completely different and raw sense of the world through my child's innocent eyes. Through my love for my girls I have done so much healing. I think it is hard to get to age 30 and not be somewhat "broken"-- but everyday I get to put a piece of me back together. They have shown me that healing through loving them is actually making me love myself more, and love Michael more wholly.
It doesn't matter if anyone believes my butterfly and rose stories. People can interpret them however they want. I choose my way b/c it comforts my soul.
