Put the Oil in the Basket

I'd just like to know what exactly my renter did to make the carpets so disgusting. I used to get so filled with joy to see the vacuum marks in the hallway (and everywhere else) but now I just get angry. I wish I was kidding. I wish I was only a little annoyed at the condition of the carpets, but nope, I'm angry. I vacuum with a Dyson (ooh lala) sometimes three times a day. I end up apologizing to my vacuum. I say, "Look, I know you are an expensive vacuum and you deserve better, but I swear before you born, these carpets were much prettier. If my Hoover Wind tunnel was still alive, you could ask him". The vacuum stares pathetically back at me, as if to say, "I will be the first Dyson to lose suction". Actually I thought it was until I got my hands dirty, took it a part and cleaned up inside.......apparently, allegedly, I may or may not have vacuumed over wet carpeted areas in my past, but I may never own up to it.
I say to me, "Me, I, all of us in here, how are we going to convince Mr. Breadwinner that we need new floors before my estimated Feb. 09 date?" I've called my dad, Mr. construction and I've surfed Home Depot and Lowes websites, but I think the bottom line comes down to new carpet, asap. I already can get a discount because my uncle is a contractor and I can get carpet at cost. I have done the measuring, I've butched it up a notch and I'm going to get this accomplished.
But, seriously, I've played it over in my head what the renter could have possibly done. Maybe she and her other "friends" got down on their knees after rubbing lawnmower oil all over their naked bodies and then scooted around and waited until someone bled out of a knee cap before they all stopped. Maybe she rode her bike around in there, naked with motor oil (sorry, couldn't resist) and finally, maybe she held dog fights in here, and the dogs were only allowed to fight.....on their knees.........with motor oil........
Whatever the case, I am not happy about it. Duh, my kids eat off this carpet and I have a certain standard. Where is Griffin going to barf? He needs a clean tapestry before leaving his artistic hurl!
Yes, we've already had it cleaned professionally and I'm not wasting another dime on THAT! So, please, everyone, anything goes for now with my carpet, gone are the days that I panic when I see someone with shoes walking around on clean carpet. No, please, please, I insist, find your biggest can of motor oil, lube up, my place, Friday at 8pm.