It is safe to say I am well on my way to becoming a "pageant" mom. I would be lying if I said I haven't looked forward to this day for a very long time. In college I'd lay in bed dreaming of having a daughter, and hoping she would want to become a cheerleader. You might be thinking, "really? you didn't have hopes of her being a doctor?" -- Um, nope. Have you met a doctor lately? Many of them are idiots or asses. My girl is going to be the one with the big bow belting RAA RAA! This is definitely a classic case of transference on my part. However, it is doing Brookelyn zero harm. If at any time she wants to quit, she can, but she'll be joining a marathon team, and at age 4, I'd like to see her stick w/ THAT over Cheerleading!
In other news, I realized the other day that I am constantly narrating in my head. Everywhere I go, everything I do, I seem to be having a dialogue in my head as if someone else is listening. Its Masterpiece Theater at all times, and its getting annoying. While in the grocery store, I see no one at the fish counter and that is exactly what I'm saying in my head, "I see no one at the fish counter. Where are the morons who dump shrimp in a bag for me? Why is there no bell for me to ding? How annoyed can I look standing here with my hand on my hip, tapping my foot? What lady! Yes you, with your one annoying little boy, don't judge me b/c my kids aren't strapped in to the cart, my two kids are cuter and more behaved than your screaming loco. Seriously, where is the fish moron?"
All of THIS- in my head.
I doubt I'm alone. Aren't most people thinking and talking to themselves this much? The DSM IV could have a diagnosis for me but if you knew how sick of mental health I am after 30 years of living through it with someone else, studying it for 4.5 years, working it for several, you'd see why I would want nothing to do with an actual diagnosis for myself. The cool thing about being me is that I already know about my "quirks" and speak openly about all of the negative qualities I have-- so that I beat anyone else to it. Oh, You might say I'm dependent on Michael!! Wow, Genius!! So I'm a clinger! I think I figured that out about myself when my mother had to pry me off of her leg the first day of Kindergarten. I have always been a clinger. Next.
I have a million traits that are imperfect (I know! Hard to believe!)- But- I'm the first to give myself credit where credit is due. I have come to learn if you are waiting on the world to say 'way to go'- it could be a while. I haven't got a while.
Instead I've just been living what I'm getting. On friday I watched a total of 4 other children besides my own (2 sets of sisters and 1 set was for the neighbor across the street) and on Sunday I was still in need of work done on my new fridge and dishwasher connection. Another set of neighbors came to the rescue, the husband deals with commercial fridges for a living. I started to think "wow- THIS is how the world is always suppose to operate". It isn't about owing other people favors or attaching a price to a favor, its just about opening your heart- even if or when you may not feel up to it and then sitting back and seeing the rewards happen. If we have something to give, then we should do it, end of story. I love how I feel when I've helped out a friend when they have really needed it. They think they are the lucky ones, but it is me who feels like a better version of myself when placed in these situations.
More on my freaky narrations later.
