Perfection

I can say for sure that things are moving in our favor in our direction. I have placed all of my hope in one basket and so far the results have been awesome. I hate it when people say "look how lucky I am" or "what a coincidence!". When are people going to get it that nothing is by accident or ironic without first being divine? I could definitely count up all of the things that went "wrong" with our move, i.e. the last minute uhaul and now a bladder infection that has me peeing every time I pass a facility. (Yes, I saw a Dr. finally and I'm being treated!).
I think that fear and anxiety are here to give us enough motivation to see projects through and not assume that things will fix themselves. That being said, too much fear can be debilitating. We have taken yet another chance by leaving the "comforts" of a nice home, good job, etc.. for what we believed would be a better life back where we are most familiar.
For any idiot who thinks their life has worked out to their advantage and taken all of the credit must not look at a fresh baby's face and see MIRACLE written all over it! Believe me when I say that babies are not science experiments! I've lost 3 potential lives inside my womb and each time my heart ached for the life to come back. When handed my two girls, I knew they were gifts, not just a meeting of egg and sperm.
When things do not go my way, as often is the case-- I can only assume there is a lesson involved. If I am attracting the negative energy, then I need to figure out why. I have taught everyone in my life how to treat me. I only have myself to blame if I do not like the outcomes at times.
I can say for certainty that through the tears the past year, I was always looking for the silver lining, always trying SO hard to be positive! I kept saying to myself, "Just learn what it is you are here to learn!"
But, as you can imagine I did not find out the secret to life in a year. I didn't learn the recipe for a perfect marriage or how to be a faultless mother. I have learned to love myself more and stop trying to please every human that crosses my path. It is not possible to be everything to everyone. I know I can be a disappointment. (like everyone)
I recently heard a quote and I think its from the movie "the princess bride" but I could be wrong, but it says, "Life is pain and anyone that says otherwise is trying to sell you something". I just heard it the other day and I really get it. I used to think that I would be handed a glorious life as an adult free of pain and trouble because of all the time I did trying to fix my broken childhood. I thought if I rose above it that I'd be greatly rewarded. Some of what I thought has been true, but the rest of what I thought is complete b.s.-- as I am not more deserving for having a hard time as a child. We're here to create our own happiness.
One more thing........I'm probably more reflective b/c my friend's husband comes home from Iraq tomorrow! I get to go to the base and watch the homecoming! I teared up in the Dr's office tonight just thinking about it. I'm so excited to see this family reunited.- a VERY deserving bunch!