Well I attempted to blog last night but my space bar broke off. Yep broke off b/c its my life and thats what happens in it, random catastrophes.
Now - blog- hopin a kid doesn't wake up cryin or a cat starts barfing or washing machine start shaking uncontrollably, ready for take off.
For anyone wondering what is Hialeah, it is the street my parents (aunt and uncle who adopted me) lived for 28 years. I moved in when I was 15, the summer before 10th grade. I had already been through 2 years of HELL,spanning across 3 states at different times b/c my mom would ship me to relatives in Idaho and Ohio. I spent 3 months in Idaho in 8th grade with my sister by my side. Then the big "event". My sister was sent back to Texas, to spend a week with our mom and then had to go live with dad bc there was a terribly custody battle going on (as a direct result of being sent to Idaho while still in school in Fort Worth)Sad yes, True, even moreso. I warned my mom that if she yanked us out of school that i had already been told dad was taking her to court. No ONE listened. But why would they, I was 13. I wanted to come back with Kristyn so bad. I had never ever been separated from her. Furthermore, I had never been away from my mom and there i was damn near in Canada, as far as a person could from Texas and mommy. A few weeks later, after a lot of aggravation on my part, fighting, crying, yelling,begging for my aunt and uncle in Idaho to send me home - it happened. And also keep in mind I was the saddest, angriest 13 year ever. I would look in the mirror and wonder what happened to my life, my smile- all gone. All that was forming were fragmented pieces of a girl I once was. My childhood wasn't perfect, but I could remember happier times. I cried myself to sleep and before being sent back to Mom, I was constantly looking for railroad tracks, figuring certainly I could run away and end up back in Texas.And I knew I was capable of it, and that if I died trying to get back to Texas,it would have been worth it.
So I get back in time to start 9th grade h.s. My mom and i lived around the block from Kristyn and Dad. It killed me when she'd get to visit b/c she was my baby and belonged home with me and Mom. Mom took it worse. She went from being a TCU nursing student to drug addict- street stuff- its too sickening to go in to detail. Never in my now 14 years of living had I seen her THIS big of a mess. On Christmas Eve, Kristyn spent the night and I couldn't sleep b/c Mom wasn't home. Finally at 5am I called my Grandma Ruth and said please come over,mom is gone and there will be no Santa for kristyn. Grandma delivered and at 630am mom got home, a disgusting mess.I couldn't look at her,, I was so angry. As an adult I understand addiction is an illness BUT as a mother I don't understand disappointing children. I was scared b/c I knew she was doing nothing good out there. 5 days later I was on a plane to my moms other sister's in OHIO. Good Lord is all I thought sitting on that stupid plane. I thought I'm SO sure GOD!! I felt all my prayers were sent directly to Satan to be answered. I assumed that if there was a good God, he had no time for trainwreck lives like ours. I thought, really? my sister is gone, and now once again I'm being taken from mom. So here I was again,away from my mom and dad and sister, mind you we were a dysfunctional family, but it was my family to love and no one elses to judge. I remember crying in the shower, in bed, in the morning, anytime I was alone, crying. I started my 2nd semester of 9th grade at Elgin H.s In Marion, Ohio. I ran track,in the snow,hated it. I wasn't interested in friendships but made one good friend,who I still keep up with. I'd go to church with my aunt and just like in Idaho, I was forced to be in youth group. I wasn't happy there. The kids had perfect little lives and I didn't dare tell them all the screwed up things I had been through. They discussed shaving their legs and which turtle neck to wear,whereas I had already unfortunately been in compromising situations with boys- nothing I'm proud of. So imagine how much it killed me to not fit in even a little bit. So I just kept on hating church.
Finally, I had had enough. I didn't care what my mom was going through, I didn't want to go back to her, but I wanted to go back to Texas to be close to my family,or die trying or kill myself, just to end the shitty pain. I was so sick of crying. I was homesick. I missed my sister, and of course my mom and dad. I got my dads family involved and begged for help. It wasnt a threat, after several months I was ready to run away or lay down on train tracks.I kept thinking how unfair that would be to Kristyn,to have a dead sister, but when you are THAT sad and no one is listening, you simply stop caring about the prospects of a life worth living. I didn't see myself ever becoming anything wonderful.
So in May, after the last day of 9th grade I got to board a plan back to DFW. My aunt karen, uncle allen, cousins amy and jess were standing there with signs welcoming me home. I knew instantly I had a shot at being happy,perhaps truly happy for the first time ever. I was willing to let my mom go. However, she called me to let me know she was leaving for Arkansas for long term treatment. I said good luck and I love you.
My new room was in the house on Hialeah Drive in Arlington,TX. Suburbia. (I was from Fort Worth inner city so this was like pleasantville for me)
I quickly got involved youth group and church and met girls that weren't strange, just regular teenagers who welcomed me and never once did I feel I didn't belong. It was really so much fun. As my life improved, I started to believe a little more in a higher power b/c I was finally in a home- dysfunction free. I started 10th grade, got involved in Journalism/wrote for School paper,won awards,went to banquets and journalism seminars, went on family vacations, rode bikes, rollerbladed, and STOPPED CRYING and started living the life of a normal teenager. my aunt and uncle were so patient with me,never holding it against me how broken I was.All they wanted was for me to feel at home, and be happy. I got to see my sis on reg basis and when my mom came back we'd visit her together. Mom got and stayed well- fr drugs, but the mental illness never went away. She made it to my high school prom and graduation. She died a year later due to nothing at her own fault except I think her body was tired of fighting with Bipolar and so out of no where, with no real clear reason, she passed away when I was 19.I could go on and on, but this post was how Hialeah Dr changed my life. My parents are all moved out and it is a little sad for me. I loved everything the home represented for me. Everything I loved about it, is probably things people take for granted everyday. Meals, laughter, warm in the winters,cool in the summers, games at the kitchen table,slumber parties,first dates, first jobs, first time to cook,and loving arms wrapped around a broken body and spirit which took years to repair. But it did repair and I went on to succeed even further,gaining a degree in rehab counseling-something no one can take from me. And yes,had it not been for the foundation on Hialeah,there is no telling where I would be, IF I would be here at all- mothering these 3 awesome kids of mine. I'm blessed and I do give the glory to God. He put me in that home.
