King

So, below you will see, a little something I jotted down, in attempt to tap in to my creative writing again. There is always something festering, but I never make the time to tap in to it. Since most who read them like explanations because well, they just don't see things through my eyes, so I have to assist. I mean, I don't see things through other people's eyes and yet I'm okay with that. First of all this is a big deal for me to post something so private. I am putting myself out there to be laughed at you know! However, I continue to believe that writing is quite possibly my one and only talent.
So, let me explain "King". I've been having my usual conversations with myself regarding religion and how I feel judged by others and my self for not being affiliated with a church, with a religion. If you stop me on the street, of course, I will say "Christian" and any church I go to, is Christian. I just have issues with a lot of it. I however believe in the greatest of all things and that is a higher power, yes God, and most of all, a spiritual world. I think I know myself better on a spiritual level than some people do who spend entire lives devoted to a church and getting no where with themselves, with their hearts, with their souls. I also feel that by being spiritual and not going nuts over a religion saves me from a lot of ridiculous discussion over things that are begging for debate and rebuttal. I can't go there. I'm not well versed enough. My spirituality isn't interested in beating the bible in to oblivion in front of others so that they too can join me on this quest for peace. I have peace. I own it. I'm not advertising it. I'm not selling it on Sunday mornings. I'm private. I have finally gotten to a place where I honestly do not care what others may think or feel about me and my spirituality. I can be judged until the day I die, but I know in my heart, I am doing what is best for me. I was brought here, to earth, for a purpose, and believe me, God could have intervened and saved me from the years of pain I would inevitably endure, but he didn't. He didn't bring me here to become a church enthusiast, although, I know I'm young, there could come a day. So I wrote "king" b/c it spewed out. I didn't even think about it, it just came. The words for me are confirmation that my higher power is ever present in my life. He is here. He (or she)- sorry had to throw that in-- is guiding me and has guided me out of complete darkness and in to this wonderful life I have now. This isn't about believing what people have told me to believe. Have I even mentioned Jesus Christ? I haven't. I'm not. When I pray though, I can't help myself but to say his name at the end. Does this make me a Christian? I don't know. I don't care to know. A religion cannot and will not define me. There is a good reason why I don't feel comfortable around spastic Christians inside churches. Another blog ok. I do like some churches by the way. And anyone who knows me knows I love Joel Osteen. So enjoy this very rare glimpse......it may never happen again on this blog. I happen to think it's beautiful. Once upon a time I wouldn't accept myself, my writing. I would criticize or fear laughter. Now, whatev, it is so freeing being authentic and genuine.


1-29-09
King

Long lasting
And
Merciful
You brought me
Out of despair
In to longing
Where I grew to
Endure suffering
Blossom from aching
A heart so wishful
I had to pluck from it
A hand full
Of fresh grown hope
Plant something new
Something, less like grief
More like hand spun happiness
The time
The seconds
Years breeding more years
spent
Disproving
Disobeying
Fighting off pain
Kicking off ravens
Where I grew to imagine up
The joy
Inside minutes that wanted
To see me depleted
I am a heart full of spirit
Not to be misguided
Long lasting
Is my journey
Merciful
Is my King
Suffering
Here
Solace
Everywhere
I bask in this love
I bathe in His sun
Glorious
I am.