Hey Brains!

You ever get the feeling that your creativity is being sucked dry? To say the least, I am little nervous, but yet so excited, to be embarking on more change. The nervosa has my writing skills in hibernation. So, bear with me.
I'm packing up the household, but lucky for me, I never fully UNpacked. We are leaving humidity hell. Did you know I had my AC in this house set to 67 degrees? Michael was shaking and freezing- WELL- get some clothes on brain! I had already stripped down to a bra cami and shorts that should be illegal on girls with thighs like mine. Plus, I was working like a dwarf (the happy one) getting things organized, thrown out, ready for donation, and ready for pods. We are going back to the suburb in DFW that I hope my girls graduate high school in, but God knows I shouldn't be looking that far in to the future. I forget I have to make arrangements for life to take place. At the end of the day, I had been grateful for the chance to do some soul searching, become closer to Michael, and of course continue being the best mother I know how-- BUT-- after a year, I could do no more. My misery was starting to re-invade my body and I was beginning to have nothing to look forward to, except Michael's days off or my next dfw drive. Don't get me wrong, I had fun with the girls everyday, well, most days as their happiness is my first concern, but I knew that if I allowed sadness to intervene, it would seep out on to them. I have managed to keep it hidden. They still found me hilarious and fun to be around, even while I was watching the clock, "how long til your daddy gets here!" I was glad to know that he was on board and admitted missing things at home too. After all, I didn't want to be the puppet master, orchestrating things to my advantage. Most of the things that have happened in my adult life were because I set it up that way. I planned and moved forward, and many times Michael was there for the ride. Like for instance, "I have good insurance, time to start trying for our first baby" - Michael's response-- "Okay". I'm not saying I was right or wrong-- just that he has always given me more power and control than I've wanted. Then again, I wouldn't know what to do with a man who imposed too much opinion and judgements. Men like that are the reason I have an overall issue with men. You really want me to go there? Theres like 4 in my life that I can say I like.
On another note, Brookelyn asked M and I tonight if we thought there was a baker in her tummy baking a cake when she is eating? In our most serious tones, we were like, "Absolutely! Of course!!"
The other day she said, "Mommy, I know why you are so silly and crazy. Its because you have a clown in your tummy"
OHHHH- that explains EVERYTHING - and I do mean EVERYTHING! Hey, I remember leaving a school dance w/ my friend in the 7th grade out a door where no one was standing guard, walking up the highway a few miles to the bowling ally and then hitch hiking with high school kids who demanded money first. We were 13, we had maybe 10 dollars and we were just asking them to take up back to the junior high. Well, looking back, it was definitely the clown in my tummy in complete control.
Thats all I got yall.