Like a Little Freak

"I know how to spell amen" said Brookelyn the other day.
"oh? how?"
"A-S-S" said Brookelyn.

I started laughing, really hard.
"Mommy, why are you laughing?"
I had no answer. I did tell her the correct way to spell 'amen'.

This was our conversation AFTER our great morning. Great meaning rediculous. It was Friday and I of course was still sick, I still am not feeling quite like the real me yet, even today - Sunday.
Friday morning I had to go take a drug test and get a TB shot for my new PT job w/ the crisis line. I haven't mentioned it on here but for this story I have to! Basically, its the same job I did in Fort Worth, its still part time so I am only away from the girls a min. amount of time. I can still have social life and keep us all really involved in activities.
Okay, so the pee test was overdue, I had forgotten all about it this week b/c I was laying in bed the whole time. I realized it on Thurs night. Oops. So I load the girls and off we went Friday morning. I was already ticked that I had to do this. I don't do drugs and I don't have TB. I check in and the girl behind the counter says nothing in regards to me having my kids w/ me. Then, we wait for over a half an hour and the guy who comes to get me notices the kids and says I can't come back w/ them. Ok, wtf. There is no sign, and no one said a word and I was only one of two people in the waiting room. I look at the boy like he is stupid. I asked if could pee in the cup in the restroom in the waiting room and he said no. So before I decide to cuss him out, I called Michael. I felt SO bad, but he had to come to my rescue. Luckily it was just down the road from his work. I thought he was going to be mad at me but strangely, he really wasn't. Once he got there, I couldn't sit or stand without pee pain. I had needed to go for an hour now! I get back there and the boy explains that its a legal document and that is why the kids can't come back. Hello? Do I look like I care about the insignificant job he is doing? Do I look like I care about his "legal" document? I just said, "I understand, I just wish the girl would have said something or that a sign was posted." The moron didn't respond. Already I know I am much smarter than him and I'm trying not to say so.
He has me sign the "legal document" and leads me to a bathroom where he shows me in the wall where they have cut off the water supply, and "don't lock the door, don't flush, and fill it half way". I love that they treat everyone like a junkie. I'm tempted to ask, "Does this test check for crack?" But, being sick still, I wasn't in the mood to be a smart a.
Filling it half way was going to be no problem, I was leaking pee just looking at the cup. 'Can he just shut the crap up so I can relieve myself'
So I begin peeing while standing up and my pee is so clear I can't see when its half way and I OVERFLOW the cup. Pee got on my hand, the floor, my leg, my pants. I had to pour some back in the toilet while I'm continuing to pee in the toilet, standing up and not touching anything. I start whispering- "crap, great, craaaaaaap, this sucks, oh my gosh, great its all over the freakin floor" So I begin wiping up the floor w/ the low quality toilet paper. It takes a ton of it and I start to feel like the moron might think I'm acting suspicious. So I open the door and show him the full cup on the floor, the ton of tp in the toilet and the pee all over my bright pink sweat pants. He had me pour more back into the toilet. He had gloves on but I can't even wash my hands yet b/c the water is not turned on. He let me clean up back in the room. I had to tie my jacket around my waist b/c the pee was all up and down my pants.
I have to go back to get my dumb TB shot looked at on Monday. UGH.

Yesterday morning, all 4 of us are standing in the kitchen and I handed A.M. her bottle of milk. B proceeds to say, "look at ashlee, standing there like a little freak!"
M and I look at each other like - what???
I said, "like a what?"
I haven't had coffee yet, maybe I'm hearing things.
B said, "like a statue"
I said, "well what did you say before that?"
B said, "like a freak"
M and I start laughing.
M said, "yep shes been hanging out with you too much"
Neither of us correct her. Last time I checked, 'freak' isn't a bad word but the first time she calls a teacher a freak, I know I'm in big trouble. That was the first time she had ever said that. I know I may not follow all of the rules for SAHM and suburban moms, but its part of my charm and charisma. I want my girls to look back and say, 'so what my mom said 'sucks' and used acronyms to curse- she rocked and played games and gave us attention and played loud music and helped us explore our creativity!'
We are all little freaks, you included.